Guiding and empowering Single Parents and their Children to live a more productive, fulfilling and rewarding life.

Here I am meditating and it strikes me - all our lessons and resources can be found in nature (the Universe)!! Now what the heck is he talking about you ask? Well I’m glad you asked.

We are part of nature but as humans we seem to have a tendency to disconnect and not pay attention. How many of you have driven to work or some other place and got there without ever realizing how you got there or better yet you are going some place else and end up heading to work. We are so busy and caught up in all that we need to do that we get into autopilot in our life and don’t realize that life is passing us by!

We run around crazy trying to accomplish way more then we possibly can in way less time then we have. Look at nature. When was the last time you saw a stressed out animal? Why? Because they know there purpose in life and live by it! What do we do? We listen to everyones else’s advice and what they expect of us and stop doing what we want - our purpose in life. I worked on computers because “everyone” said that that was the thing to do and it took me many years to realize that my purpose in life was something higher - to help Single Parent Families! How about you? Are you living your purpose or some one else’s? Are you being the person you have been put here to be or are you being what everyone else expects?

What about our kids? When have you seen an animal too busy to help their young? How often do we get so involved in life that we miss the important events with our kids, the quality time together, the moments that our kid wants to spend with us and you say I am too busy now?

In nature when the cubs need nurturing or lessons the fierce lioness nurtures them. Are we nurturing our kids and helping them to grow? Are we spending that special time or are we allowing that to pass us by. I always think of the song “The Cats in the Cradle” when the father is always too busy to play with his son and spend any time with him; then the father is retired and wants to spend time with his son but his son is too busy. Is that what we want to teach our kids? Or do we want to teach them that life is about connection, purpose and being the best you can be!

What about stress? What is a great way to reduce stress? Reconnect with nature! A walk on the beach and watching the sun rise or set. A quite walk in the woods. What do they all have in common? Reconnecting with nature. Find what works for you.

When are we the most creative? When we withdraw from the craziness of every day life and have time with ourselves. For me it is when I meditate and return to nature - it frees my soul to be open and create. When I create my seminars and get ideas of how to help Single Parent families, this is when it comes to me - in my away time. Do you allow yourself this gift?

When we have problems in life and in the moment it may feel like the end of the world but after we get through it and look back it really was a lesson to help us through life! If you look at nature the animals that survive the rough Winters are the ones who learn from their challenges and use those lessons to adopt to the harsh seasons of life. In this way when the spring comes and there is abundance they are stronger. Isn’t life like that for us? Don’t we go through the hard times when we lose a partner through some event like divorce. Isn’t that our Winter? If we let it, can’t that make us stronger so that when our Spring comes we can have abundance!

You may say that it is the fiercest animals in nature that survive - but is that true? How about the animals that learned to camouflage themselves, or the ones that can go under ground to hide or the ones who build houses to protect themselves? When we can learn from our challenges, we can grow and we can do more then survive, we can flourish. Unlike animals, we do have the ability to make the decisions that affect our lives and the directions we go. life is about these forks in the road and who we are depends on the lessons we learn and the choices we make.

Until next time - remember that you are the best parent you can be in this moment!

I look forward to reading your comments and thoughts below!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

Your ex has found the partner of their dreams and they are so happy. Of course he or she wants to include the kids and so they do what they believe is the right thing - they start saying this is my son/daughter and they are the Dad or Mom. Now the kids don’t feel left out and everything is great in family land - right? Wrong!!

Now you start getting angry because you are their Mom/Dad and no one else should be called that. So you do what any rationale parent does - you call your ex and unload all that frustration or anger upon them which of course allows open conversation to flow (sarcasm here).

Now, while the parents are arguing who is left off in the lurch (I still don’t know where this saying comes from)? Who gets forgotten a lot of the time - the kids! How are they feeling about this? What do they want to be called and not called? What do they feel comfortable calling the new person in their lives?

Now we have the questions so how do we find the solutions? We ask … the kids. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Well it is, as long as you take the right approach and are open. How would it be if you took the kids a side and asked how they feel when they are called “my son” or “my daughter”. Ask them how they feel when the new person in their lives calls himself/herself “their Dad” or “their Mom”? Often you will find that the kids feel that their parent is trying to be replaced by the new person rather then this person being a compliment to their family.

Now, here comes the hard part - ask the kids for possible solutions that they would feel comfortable with. Hear the kids out and have an open conversation with them. They will feel good that they are being heard and have input into the end result. If possible, it would be great to have both parents in the room (Caution: If one parent is pressuring the kids to accept this person calling them son or daughter then the kids may not feel free to speak up. They probably will not want to alienate one of their parents. In this case speak with them alone and then discuss with your ex the conversation you had with the kids ).

I have a friend who I coached through this methodology and it worked out amazingly well. He took each of his kids a side individually and discussed this situation with them. They each said how uncomfortable they where with how they where being addressed and referred to and they came up with the solution of “My Mom’s Fiance and my Fiance’s son and daughter. My friend called his ex and discussed what had just happened and they agreed that this is the way they would have this new person address the kids. No arguing, no screaming just results that allowed everyone to be heard and a result that allowed everyone to walk away happy!

It is not always easy as a parent when something is going on to step back and allow yourself to breath and work with the other people involved in a civil way and additionally allow everyone to be heard but it does work and you do get some pretty great results!

Until next time - congratulations on being the best parent you can in this moment. Please place your comments below and I look forward to hearing from you.

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

In our last blog, we spoke about the way we think as Single Parents and how that affects our stress and anxiety, as we discussed the tooth extraction I had.

Imagine what life would be like if whenever we had constant, consistent pain in our lives that we could just extract the source of it and thus remove it from our life and it would be gone. We would know that the discomfort would only be temporary before we removed it. Sounds like this could be like some separations and divorces.

What do I mean by this? That is a good question! I have seen and heard of so many divorces becoming bitter with anger and resentment freely flowing back and forth. Where couples who once loved each other are ready to get in a whatever it takes to get the other mentality. Where emotions completely take over and there no longer is any rationale. When we get in this state we forget common sense and get so caught up in this process that we forget everything else - including what is best for our kids and what is best for us! The courts do not help either as they pit one party against another - very confrontational from the get go.

So I know what you are asking - when does the extraction part come into play? I was just thinking that myself! Well, this is the hard part (at least in the beginning). This is where the word forgiveness comes into play. How do we move forward in our lives? By looking back into the past? By being angry at your ex? By trying to sabotage their life? So let me ask you this question - if you are focusing on your ex, who is focusing on your kids and your future. Like a tooth extraction when you release the pain with the tooth, you need to release the divorce and that whole story that goes with it just like the tooth. You need to forgive and start placing the focus where it belongs - on you and your kids making a great life for yourselves.

There are many ways and techniques to do this. I believe one way is that you use your past challenges as ways to learn and that you cannot carry these challenges with you because then they only hold you back. You learn the lesson or lessons you needed to learn and then you release that challenge/issue/mistake or whatever you wish to call it. In this way you no longer have a ball and a chain on your ankle holding you back but instead open road ahead to go full speed forward. This is the exciting part - where you determine the roads you turn onto through the decisions you make. You now get to move forward toward your goals and help your kids do the same.

So this is all for now with the tooth extraction and the lesson of forgiving to move forward. This is really all about you taking control of your life and where you want it to go. So here is to you - the Single Parent that always does the best you can at each moment in time, because you really do. Until next time have quality time as family and please comment and let us know what you are thinking!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

Just had one of “those” days and ended with an aha moment! So I would like to share. I have been having headaches and trying to figure out why. Finally I ended up at the dentist and found out that my previous root canal had “gone bad” - whatever that means, and on top of that I had an infection under that tooth. So guess what I had to do - get it extracted (for those of you who have been lucky enough to never have gone through it - that means to get it pulled).

Now I had never had adult teeth pulled and I had 2 full days to think about it before the actual event. My mind started racing and thinking about all the worst case scenarios and all the pain I was going to be in, which of course got me even more stressed and anxious! . Then I got to thinking about how this ties into being a Single Parent! As a Single Parent (or any parent for that matter) we have a tendency to think worst case scenario and drive ourselves crazy. When our kids are not home on time instead of thinking to ourselves that maybe they got tied up, we think about all the horrible things that could of happened - car accident, drunk, left in the middle of no where. And yes, this is our mind driving us bonkers. When they walk in the door and we find out that they had to jump start the car and that was why they where late - then after that feeling of relief we want to ground them for life. Mark Twain once said, “I’m an old man and I have had many troubles, most of which never happened!”

The bottom line - the anxiety before was causing me more pain then the actual event. Yes it was uncomfortable and not something I would want to do often, if ever again - but no where near as bad as I had been thinking. Our minds are powerful tools and like tools if used the wrong way can be dangerous. When we let our mind wander and cause excess stress or dissuade us from doing something we want to do - our mind is controlling us and not the other way around. So lets watch what we say to ourselves and be positive and keep ourselves calm. As Single Parents our kids are watching and if we show them how we handle situations and stay calm when our mind is going though all the possible horrors then we will also be teaching them how to be positive with their self talk.

I look forward to your comments and experiences.

Until next time - You are the best parent you can be right now!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

I read an interesting quote today that got me thinking - Is our happiness inside or out? I know what you are asking “What the heck does he mean by that?” Well, is our happiness created by what happens around us or is it created by what we think inside us? I know - what came first, the chicken or the egg? Well first, let’s begin with the quote: “Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.”, William Feather, 1889-1981, Writer.

How many of us, especially as Single Parents, get so caught up in every day life that we forget to take that moment to listen to what our kids have to share or that beautiful sunset on the way home. We have our kids in front of us every day and before you know it, they are off to college or out of the house and you ask how the time went so fast and you reflect on how much you missed of them growing up. Just like the song - “The Cats In The Cradle”, where the father never has time for his son until the son is grown up and has his own family and does not have time for the Dad.

I feel that life offers us so many opportunities at happiness each day but like a majority of us, we focus on all the bad things that happened during the day - Johnny spilled his milk all over the carpet and I was late for work and the work keeps piling up and I have to clean when I get home and before I realize it the kids are in bed and I hardly saw them and … What would happen if we slowed down enough to spend a half hour with our kids sharing what new and exiting things happened during the day or made time to watch a sunset with someone special or took time to look around at the color in the leaves as they change or what ever makes you smile. What would happen if we chose to not let what someone else does to us affect how we spend our day? Research shows that children laugh over 300 times a day whereas adults laugh only 15 times. They say this is because children laugh unconditionally while adults do so only if there is a cause. Think about that - how much happier are our kids then we are and why is that? Could it be because we choose to be “adults” who are expected to be serious all the time or can we choose to have some fun just because we want to. What is the first thing usually said when someone is having fun? “Stop fooling around and get to work!” Do we have to listen to societal pressures that say we have to act a certain way or can we give ourselves permission to act freely! Don’t we sometimes hear ourselves saying that to us? Can we just have fun for the sake of having fun? Can we be a “child” for a while and go make snow angels, stick our tongue out at someone or just laugh. Sure people might back away from you or role up there windows when they see you - but who is the one who is stressed and who is the one enjoying that moment of our life.

According to the U.S. Government, “97 % of all illnesses in the United States can be tied to stress.” As Single Parents, can we afford to be away from our kids as a result of an avoidable stress related illness? As Single Parents don’t we want to take control of our life and avoid illnesses? Can taking a small portion of your day to just have fun be such a price to ask? Isn’t spending that little extra time being silly with your kids and making memories before they are out of the house worth it?

I would really like to hear your thoughts. Please comment usig the Comment link below.

Until next time, remember to always be the parent you want to be! The best you canbe in that moment of time!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

I have a friend who just lost someone close and it got me to thinking about the different types of loss we have in life and the differences and similarities. Now don’t get me wrong - I am not saying that whatever we lose in life is of equal value, but…
there are similarities.

First off - whenever we lose someone we have to go through certain emotions - confusion, shock, anxiety, stress, overwhelm, loneliness, responsibility, anger, depression, irrationality. Then if we allow ourselves to move forward - clarity, awareness, new perspective, calm, and finally forgiveness.

I was watching a child go through the loss of a toy and thought - wouldn’t that be great if after we got divorced our emotions would be that clear? First the child gets upset and might even throw a tantrum. Then they pout for a bit and then will look for and start playing with another toy. Eventually they forget about the lost toy and move on. There no longer is anger or upset but just letting go and moving forward with their new toy. The child is looking at and being aware of all the joy this new toy gives and releases the feelings he/she had about the old lost toy.

Now - what do a lot if us do with divorce? We get angry and emotional. We try to get even with our ex - by pushing their buttons to get a certain reaction; by taking certain actions to get them upset or to deprive them of seeing their children. We constantly talk about how our ex has done us wrong and how we need to get even. We do not let it go and instead of looking forward at what gifts life has to offer, we keep looking back at how we were wronged and what we can do to get back at them. How productive! (Sarcasm here.)

What would happen if we always put our kids first and did not use them as a means to get back at our exes? What would happen if we stayed civil and where able to work through problems? Imagine our children seeing their parents working together so they feel loved, secure and wanted! Now we can have a new perspective - a different reality.

I’ve seen people so angry that they will admit what they are doing is irrational but, “it is the only way they can get back at their ex”. They admit it might hurt the children but it is the only way the can get back at her/him.

Let’s step back and try to be rational. We do have control over our actions so we can’t blame someone else. Let’s ask ourselves this question before the next time we act - “How is what I am about to do going to empower me and my family?” And if the answer is it won’t - then how about not taking that action! How about finding an action to take that does empower you and your kids! How about avoiding the fight with your ex and taking your kids out for a fun night where you focus on them?

I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave a comment below.

Until next time - let’s all be the parents we want to be - it is our decision to make.

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

In this blog we are going to deviate from our current topic and talk about something that happened today. I was on the way to an appointment and I noticed a Dad on the sidewalk with his son, who was in a stroller. As I stopped at the red light I looked over and watched the interaction between the Dad and the little boy, which got me to thinking. What a great Dad or is he a great Parent or both? What is the difference between someone who is a Mom or a Dad and someone who is a Parent or is there a difference? This is an area that touches close to home with me because of my ex and her relationship with my son.
So what did I see that got me to thinking? I am glad you asked! The weather has not been the best - windy and about 48 degrees out. The little boy was obviously cold so I watched the Dad take off his coat to cover him, with disregard for how cold he would get, and then he knelt down and started rubbing and blowing on his son’s hands to warm them up. Interesting - have any of you ever seen something like this? How about the other way - the Mom or Dad did “what they could” but made sure that they stayed warm? They would not even think about giving up their own coat. So you are probably beginning to see some differences here. Maybe?
You see, a lot of people use these terms interchangeably and I am not sure that interchangeability goes both ways. Well before you ask, let me tell you what I mean by that. I can see a Parent being a good Mom or Dad but a Mom or Dad who is indifferent or is not a part of their child’s life does not make them a Parent! I got to thinking about my ex and the difference in out parenting styles. Then I thought about the many Moms and Dads I have seen over the years and the differences with the interaction they had with their kids, especially the Single Parents.

So what do I consider the definition of a Mother or Father? Well let’s look at the good old Webster’s Dictionary and their definition: The verb mother is defined as “To give birth to” and the verb Father is defined as “a man who has begotten a child“. So just because you gave birth to a child or had created a child does not make you a Parent, just their biological Mom or Dad. Have you ever heard someone say, “Yes that is the Mother or Father of my child but they never or rarely see them or they are not a part of their life.”? You can ask any Parent who is raising a child by themselves with the Mother or Father out of the picture - who is the Parent of that child? Ask the child who is adopted who their Parents are. The Parent is defined in Websters as “a person who brings up and cares for another“. So in my opinion, the Parent is the one who puts the child’s welfare in front of their own! The one who is willing to be cold to keep their child warm. The one who gives up their coat so their child does not suffer. Where as the person who was responsible for the birth of the child might not even care or be around for that child but is their Mom or Dad.

So the Mother or Father who is not a Parent is just someone involved with the creation of a child, but when tied to also being a Parent means the World of difference to both. Tell the child whose Moms or Dads are not there for their birthdays, the important moments in their lives and for Mother’s and Father’s Day at school celebrations. I bet these people can define the difference! You notice on Birth Certificates that there are spaces for Mother and Father but none for Parent!
So all you Single Parents out their - let us strive to be that special someone; that Parent and the one who has created and continues to create that special connection and bond with our children - regardless of the Mom or Dad who is not their or does not care!
So let’s hear what your thoughts are on this! Have any of you experienced this - one way or the other? I would love to hear from you, as I am sure everyone else would too! All you Single Parents - inquiring minds want to know what you feel!
Until next time…

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