09.19.08
Divorce Court – Fair?? Let’s bring it all together!
Sooooo what have we learned from these last few posts? Could it be that we are being bullied into the court rooms and losing more then we could possibly gain? Could it be that after we are finished, that neither party is satisfied and a rift is created between the two ex partners. Could it be that the lawyers make a lot of money from this process? The answers to these questions more times then not is a resounding YES!!
As we have seen – there are a tremendous amount of biases in the court system and lawyers who can twist and manipulate the truth so it becomes unrecognizable. So what happened to the courts that create situations where there is little or no justice and how can we fix it? Why don’t the judges and lawyers get fully trained on how divorce cases are very different then criminal cases?
We all saw how the courts handled the different scenarios I have written about. What I shared is such a small percentage of the cases but representative of the results. So what do we do if the lawyers and courts do not take care of us or our children? Who protects our kids then? Who protects our rights?
So what can we do? First there are alternatives to getting divorced in court – you can either use a recommended quality mediator (mediates between both partners) or you can go through a Collaborative Divorce process (involves many more people, including lawyers) outside of court.
We will discuss these in more detail in another blog and also on our Blog Talk Radio Show (www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power). The three basic choices are Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and finally the confrontational atmosphere of the court system. These choices requires time to explain so we can discuss and compare them in detail.
Secondly, know your rights. Be willing to do research on the law and your options; and be willing to be in control of any proceedings. I hear all the time that the lawyer is doing this or that and that I am intimidated by him or her. This is your life and your kids, not the lawyers! You need to get advice but you make the decisions.
If you get along with your ex, why shouldn’t you want to talk to work things out? If the documents that are drawn up by the lawyer are not accurate or do not say what you want it to say, then have the lawyer change it! My lawyer used to say who is the lawyer here and I would reply, who is the one who signs and lives with what is written on the papers? After all is said and done, the lawyer walks away and you, your kids and your ex have to live with the outcome. So listen to your attorney or mediator AND also take an active role in the process.
Thirdly, get referrals for attorneys and mediators. You do not want to play the game of hit or miss with your lives. Check them out and see how they handle divorces, how long they usually take to settle a divorce, what their references say, and notice how you connect and feel with them. Interview them, just like any one else looking for a job.
Fourthly, try to think of all the possible scenarios and address them in your paperwork. Whenever you are making decisions, be rational and think of what is best for your kids. Too often our emotions take over and we either fall apart or we are more interested in getting even or for pay back rather then being equitable and doing what is right by your kids.
If we as parents learn to communicate with each other, we can work things out with out it costing the college fund or camp fund or whatever fund that gets thrown away during a drawn out divorce. I know of people who spent over $100K to end up with almost the exact agreement they had talked about before the lawyers got involved.
For the events that happen after the divorce is completed – that is when all that extra thought that went into the final agreement pays off. This can give you the leverage to accomplish what needs to be done without all the drama that can normally come about.
Now we can not always think of everything, but we can think of a lot more then is normally put in the final agreement regarding your divorce, custody and visitation. In this way there is little left to interpretation and expectations and the parents have an opportunity to work together for the better good of your children. Let’s start coming together to make change with the way the system is run. Slowly things are beginning to happen – like some states requiring mediation before divorce proceedings begin in the courts.
If you are interested in making a difference or if you have a story to share, please email me at rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com. I look forward to hearing from you! If you want me to use your name, please just let me know.
Until next time – continue to create the parent you want to be and continue to be the best parent you can be in that moment!
With Love, Peace and Power,
Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein
