Entries from August 2008 ↓

In our last few blogs you got to hear some of my horror stories, as well as another Dad that I coach. Now that you have had the pleasure of hearing what has happened to some of the Dad’s I believe it is time to give the Moms a chance. After all, this amazing tales are not unique to just Dads! So this week you can hear some of these remarkable stories. There will still be no names so the innocent are always protected.

These stories have definitely been raising eye brows and it boggles my mind that other Single Parents have gone through the same or similar “trials” - excuse the pun. Unfortunately these stories happen all to often. So let’s share two more of a Moms woes.

The first “horror” story of this blog, takes place in a state we like to call California, because everyone else calls it that. A friend of mine is currently battling the court system to get her children back. You see, her ex, who by the way has been found to be abusive by the same court system, got mad at her and filed an abuse charge. Child Welfare swooped in and took the kids to protect them.

So what do they do - of course, they give them to the Dad! Now that makes perfect sense (sarcasm there!). When she went to talk with the person in charge she was told they can’t talk to her because she is the “abusive Mom”. So unverified charges keep the parent and children separated until they “get around” to investigating it.

Now I do not have a problem in protecting our children BUT do we do it by putting them in harms way? Do we do it by taking weeks or months, sometimes years to make a finding?

I remember a case in Florida where these two children were playing on the playground and fell. The parents took them to the doctor who treated them and the next day they went to school. You probably can guess where this is going!!

The school noticed the bruises and reported it to Child Welfare. They came charging in and took the children from their parents. The parents went to their doctor and he wrote a note that this was not abuse but the children had fallen while playing.

It only took over a YEAR to get their children back. During this time they where allowed one visit a week with their children … supervised and for only one hour! Now how assenine is our system? I say “our” system because we do not speak out enough!! We as Single Parents have a huge voice to be reckoned with, when united!

Watch in the near future for an announcement of something VERY BIG we are doing to address this and other Single Parent issues!!

The next tale is about a young lady who tried to do the right thing and got burned by the judicial system in all it’s glory! She had custody of her son and when she lost her job and was having a hard time making ends meet, she approached her ex, who lived near by.

She asked if she could let their son live with him while she got back on her feet. Now that does sound like a level headed decision - one where the child comes first.

After getting a new job and then a new apartment she asked for her son back and the answer was NO!

So what do most people do - immediately rush to court to have a neutral 3rd party make a “fair” decision. Not only did the court side with the father but based the decision on faulty information. You see the witnesses that she had that came up to testify where accused of all types of unsubstantiated things. The ex’s lawyer made up stories and blatantly lied. Now, of course the court would definitely check out the two sides of the story to see who was telling the truth and who was lying - right?

Nah, why bother. After all - it is just a few lives. The court kept custody with the Father because they said the Mother had no family nearby. She only had almost her entire family within 20 miles of her.

Then it gets even better - for the Dad! The Mom runs out of money and can no longer fight AND the judge allows the Father to move with the child over 1,000 miles away! So much for the value of keeping families together for the best interest of the child.

In our next blog I will wrap all this up into a neat little package.

Until then, remember you are the best parent you can be in that moment!!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping reconnect Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

So here we go again - Part II!

In our last blog you got to hear some of my horror stories so this week you can hear some of the unbelievable stories of people I have coached. There will be no names so the innocent are always protected.

These stories boggle the mind but are never the less very true and definitely will make you scratch your head; unless of course you have been through the courts yourself and then you may say - no surprise there!

The first “horror” story, our blog of the day, takes place in a state far, far away - or so it seems. Any way, this is a story about a dad and his kids who are under 18 years of age. His ex has custody of the kids and is engaged to be married.

One day her fiance has a bit too much to drink, gets upset and decides to break the door down with the kids standing right there. Sounds like a real winner all ready, but this is just the beginning.

The ex leaves with the kids and my friend goes and picks the kids up and removes them from harms way. Not soon after he receives a call that her fiance apologized, all is grand, she is going back with him and she wants the kids back. Huh!? What would you do?

Well he called his lawyer and Child Welfare. What he was told by Child Welfare was that they would consider opening a case to decide whether to begin an investigation and his lawyer said by law he has to return the kids or he could be arrested! Now you would think that common sense would come in to play some where in here, however we must remember this is the legal system and we should not expect too much.

NOW there is definitely a decision to be made. And by the way, who is protecting our kids? But before the decision is made my friend gets another call that her fiance was acting up and that he should keep the kids so they are safe.

On top of all that is going on, school is beginning. My friend goes to register his kids but of course he needs the signature of the custodial parent. I think you may guess where this is going.

My friend leaves several text and voice messages about the urgency and receives no response. Now school has started and the lawyer says his hands are tied and my friend needs to get that signature. The school won’t budge - policy. They have to protect themselves.

My friend finally gets in touch with his ex, since she had not been returning repeated messages and she is now waffling whether she wants to sign the papers or not. My friend already has done all the running around and has all the other paperwork filled out with the school so once these forms are signed and notarized, his kids are good to go.

Don’t you know that another 1 1/2 weeks went by until the papers where ready and he had to drive almost 3 hours round trip so that his kids only missed that week and a half from school. The kids start tomorrow and have some catching up to do in a new school with all new people.

As I write this I do not believe I will make too many people in the legal profession happy. Oh, well.

A few recent events have triggered my memory and I have been remembering my experiences with the court system in New York, or should I say the nightmares.

I remember how naive I was thinking that the court would be fair and impartial. I had this false sense of hope that they would look after, if nothing else, the health and welfare of my son. Boy was I in for a rude awakening!!

I remember returning on a yearly basis to court for the smallest of reasons on my ex’s side. She moved to another apartment in the same building, she moved a block away, etc. While these endeavors cost me a fortune, she was represented by legal aide.

I remember my bringing up the issue of smoking based on the court report because my son was asthmatic. The court investigator went to visit my ex and found her with her highly asthmatic daughter on her lap with both my ex and her boyfriend smoking. The report said that the ash trays where overflowing with cigarette butts. The judge told me when I brought this up that “she is the Mother and she knows what is best for her son!”

Then we began the 2nd round in court. The appointed “neutral” law guardian was sitting with my ex telling her how she should go about getting custody of my son. Then when the law guardian visited the house she spent no more then 30 seconds talking with my son and left.

When we went to court the law guardian said that my son was not in a good environment and did not have support at my place and that his Mother should get custody. The law guardian said that John had no one but me and my ex had her family. That was weird since my parents watched John when I was away and my brother and sister and their family lived in the same town!

The scariest part for me was the total disregard for my son’s safety. The court performed a background check on my ex’s boyfriend and found nothing. I had a friend do the same check and she found out that her boyfriend had an order of protection barring him from seeing his own kids from a previous marriage. The judge said that this was irrelevant because it was older and put no restrictions on the visit.

When I appealed the decision, the appellate court judge said that the lower court did not send the needed documents and since it was a temporary order they would let the lower court decision stand. The judge said that if I refused to let John go upstate with his Mom and her boyfriend I would be in contempt of court!

Who is watching over our kids!?

Stay tuned for the next blog! This was just some of my experiences.

I would like to hear of some of the experiences you have had. Please use the comment box below.

Until next time! Remember you are the best parent you can be in that moment!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

I wanted to share some very exciting news with you! Single Parent Power has been selected as only 1 of 18 organizations nationwide to work with internationally known speaker, author, coach and internet guru Ken McArthur.

We will be meeting on August 22, 2008 to August 24, 2008 in Philadelphia to help build our businesses and to select an individual organization to help build there business. We will be working with this organization at the next event with 2000 other people in September.

This organization must be one whose mission is to help others. So if you know of an organization whose mission is helping people and they need assistance building there business, then please leave a comment here to nominate them.

I will continue to keep you up to date about this very exciting journey we are taking.

So in between all the great helpful information blogs, I will be letting you know what is going on with my adventures representing Single Parent Power at these events.

Until next time have a great and joyous day!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein