07.21.08
Dating As a Single Parent
How easy is dating after we have been divorced?
Do you find you keep meeting the same guy/gal that you where married to? Why would that be?
In my experience, I have found that we date way too soon after getting separated or divorced. I have known people who are out there dating and getting into new relationships as soon as they are on their own.
I know – so what is wrong with that and how does this tie into dating the same type of person? Now that IS the $64 dollar question! Why do we go right into new relationships? Can it be because we are afraid of being alone? Can it be that we do not have the confidence in ourselves to go it on our own?
Now that I said this, I want to add a little disclaimer: Even though I inferred that a reason may be that you do not have the confidence to go it alone, that does not mean you have to do it by yourself. What it means is to have the confidence in yourself to not NEED a partner but also the confidence and openness to ask for and receive assistance from friends and family.
I find that because we are not with our ex any longer we feel that we need to do everything ourselves. Talk about creating stress – now you know why I do “Conquering Stress” workshops for Single Parents! We have to learn to let people in and trust again. How do you feel after helping someone?
I know I always feel great! So by allowing others to help you, you are no longer taking on the entire burden of Single Parenting alone and you are giving a gift to others by allowing them to help you and to walk away with that rewarding feeling.
So what are we to do? In my opinion, rather then carry all our luggage from the marriage with us, maybe we should work on dumping those bags before we begin dating. Just maybe, we can find Mr. Right or Ms. Right and actually be in the right place and state of mind to make a go of the relationship! What would happen if we address all the garbage we bring with us (meaning not necessarily eliminate everything, although that is what we are working toward, but take a look at it and recognize it is there and how it affects us).
Imagine you are feeling good about yourself. You are in a great place having dealt with the heavy bags we all carry to some degree and are no longer completely overwhelmed because you are accepting of help. During the process of self evaluation and addressing our old baggage, we also improve the greatest boost to a great relationship – open communication.
Now you meet someone and are in a great place and are feeling fantastic. Would you say the odds are better that if this is the right person for you that you would have a better chance of making a go of it vs. bringing the old habits and luggage from the marriage and previous relationships into the new one.
Now you know why you attract the same person you just divorced – because you are the same person and have not worked on yourself to create the new and improved, more aware you. When you work on yourself you become a different person and therefore will attract different individuals!
Now you open doors vs. closing doors with relationships. These relationships that change are in all areas of your life, not just with dating.
We will talk more about this.
Until next time – have great week and remember you are the best you can be in that moment!
With Love, Peace and Power,
Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein
