Entries from July 2008 ↓

How easy is dating after we have been divorced?

Do you find you keep meeting the same guy/gal that you where married to? Why would that be?

In my experience, I have found that we date way too soon after getting separated or divorced. I have known people who are out there dating and getting into new relationships as soon as they are on their own.

I know - so what is wrong with that and how does this tie into dating the same type of person? Now that IS the $64 dollar question! Why do we go right into new relationships? Can it be because we are afraid of being alone? Can it be that we do not have the confidence in ourselves to go it on our own?

Now that I said this, I want to add a little disclaimer: Even though I inferred that a reason may be that you do not have the confidence to go it alone, that does not mean you have to do it by yourself. What it means is to have the confidence in yourself to not NEED a partner but also the confidence and openness to ask for and receive assistance from friends and family.

I find that because we are not with our ex any longer we feel that we need to do everything ourselves. Talk about creating stress - now you know why I do “Conquering Stress” workshops for Single Parents! We have to learn to let people in and trust again. How do you feel after helping someone?

I know I always feel great! So by allowing others to help you, you are no longer taking on the entire burden of Single Parenting alone and you are giving a gift to others by allowing them to help you and to walk away with that rewarding feeling.

So what are we to do? In my opinion, rather then carry all our luggage from the marriage with us, maybe we should work on dumping those bags before we begin dating. Just maybe, we can find Mr. Right or Ms. Right and actually be in the right place and state of mind to make a go of the relationship! What would happen if we address all the garbage we bring with us (meaning not necessarily eliminate everything, although that is what we are working toward, but take a look at it and recognize it is there and how it affects us).

Imagine you are feeling good about yourself. You are in a great place having dealt with the heavy bags we all carry to some degree and are no longer completely overwhelmed because you are accepting of help. During the process of self evaluation and addressing our old baggage, we also improve the greatest boost to a great relationship - open communication.

Now you meet someone and are in a great place and are feeling fantastic. Would you say the odds are better that if this is the right person for you that you would have a better chance of making a go of it vs. bringing the old habits and luggage from the marriage and previous relationships into the new one.

Now you know why you attract the same person you just divorced - because you are the same person and have not worked on yourself to create the new and improved, more aware you. When you work on yourself you become a different person and therefore will attract different individuals!

Now you open doors vs. closing doors with relationships. These relationships that change are in all areas of your life, not just with dating.

We will talk more about this.

Until next time - have great week and remember you are the best you can be in that moment!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

In this post I wanted to share something that a friend shared with me a long time ago and was one of the poems I constantly referred to for guidance and as a reminder to how my actions influence my son. This was written for all parents and I believe it is very pertinent for Single Parents. It does not have an author’s name so I do not know who to credit with it. So if you know who the author is, I would appreciate your sharing that with us.

The role models your kids have to choose from these days are not always the best with all the hard core music about violence being played, the professional athletes being arrested, the big name actors overdosing, etc. The one consistent in all this is you, the Single Parent, and you are the one your kids will model the most - in one way or another, like it or not!

We, the parent, will tell our kids to “do what I say, not what I do” when we are doing something we know we shouldn’t. Then we wonder why the opposite happens when our kids do what we told them not to and take these disempowering actions. As two example, while in the process of smoking we explain to our kids why smoking is bad for them and then we can’t understand why they start smoking or we are constantly yelling at our kids and then can’t understand why they are always yelling.

We Single Parents have so much extra stress and other challenges in our lives that we sometimes lose site of how that affects our kids. Our kids are watching us and we are teaching them through our actions on how they should act.

On the other side of this equation, when we are aware and set good examples, then our kids benefit and model these empowering actions. For example, if we are genuine with our kids and supportive, then they will model confidence. We do have a choice in who we mold our kids to be.

So here is the poem and I trust you will enjoy it and that it will make you think and will help guide you through your journey with your kids as it did for me.

“Children Learn What They Live”

If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn

If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight

If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy

If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilt

If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient

If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence

If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate

If children live with fairness,
They learn justice

If children live with security,
They learn to have faith

If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves

If children live with acceptance and friendship,
They learn to find love in the world.

I welcome your comments and suggestions and thank you for your support in our community.

Have an amazing day and remember we do the best that we can at that moment in time!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein