Entries from April 2008 ↓

Here I am meditating and it strikes me - all our lessons and resources can be found in nature (the Universe)!! Now what the heck is he talking about you ask? Well I’m glad you asked.

We are part of nature but as humans we seem to have a tendency to disconnect and not pay attention. How many of you have driven to work or some other place and got there without ever realizing how you got there or better yet you are going some place else and end up heading to work. We are so busy and caught up in all that we need to do that we get into autopilot in our life and don’t realize that life is passing us by!

We run around crazy trying to accomplish way more then we possibly can in way less time then we have. Look at nature. When was the last time you saw a stressed out animal? Why? Because they know there purpose in life and live by it! What do we do? We listen to everyones else’s advice and what they expect of us and stop doing what we want - our purpose in life. I worked on computers because “everyone” said that that was the thing to do and it took me many years to realize that my purpose in life was something higher - to help Single Parent Families! How about you? Are you living your purpose or some one else’s? Are you being the person you have been put here to be or are you being what everyone else expects?

What about our kids? When have you seen an animal too busy to help their young? How often do we get so involved in life that we miss the important events with our kids, the quality time together, the moments that our kid wants to spend with us and you say I am too busy now?

In nature when the cubs need nurturing or lessons the fierce lioness nurtures them. Are we nurturing our kids and helping them to grow? Are we spending that special time or are we allowing that to pass us by. I always think of the song “The Cats in the Cradle” when the father is always too busy to play with his son and spend any time with him; then the father is retired and wants to spend time with his son but his son is too busy. Is that what we want to teach our kids? Or do we want to teach them that life is about connection, purpose and being the best you can be!

What about stress? What is a great way to reduce stress? Reconnect with nature! A walk on the beach and watching the sun rise or set. A quite walk in the woods. What do they all have in common? Reconnecting with nature. Find what works for you.

When are we the most creative? When we withdraw from the craziness of every day life and have time with ourselves. For me it is when I meditate and return to nature - it frees my soul to be open and create. When I create my seminars and get ideas of how to help Single Parent families, this is when it comes to me - in my away time. Do you allow yourself this gift?

When we have problems in life and in the moment it may feel like the end of the world but after we get through it and look back it really was a lesson to help us through life! If you look at nature the animals that survive the rough Winters are the ones who learn from their challenges and use those lessons to adopt to the harsh seasons of life. In this way when the spring comes and there is abundance they are stronger. Isn’t life like that for us? Don’t we go through the hard times when we lose a partner through some event like divorce. Isn’t that our Winter? If we let it, can’t that make us stronger so that when our Spring comes we can have abundance!

You may say that it is the fiercest animals in nature that survive - but is that true? How about the animals that learned to camouflage themselves, or the ones that can go under ground to hide or the ones who build houses to protect themselves? When we can learn from our challenges, we can grow and we can do more then survive, we can flourish. Unlike animals, we do have the ability to make the decisions that affect our lives and the directions we go. life is about these forks in the road and who we are depends on the lessons we learn and the choices we make.

Until next time - remember that you are the best parent you can be in this moment!

I look forward to reading your comments and thoughts below!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein

Your ex has found the partner of their dreams and they are so happy. Of course he or she wants to include the kids and so they do what they believe is the right thing - they start saying this is my son/daughter and they are the Dad or Mom. Now the kids don’t feel left out and everything is great in family land - right? Wrong!!

Now you start getting angry because you are their Mom/Dad and no one else should be called that. So you do what any rationale parent does - you call your ex and unload all that frustration or anger upon them which of course allows open conversation to flow (sarcasm here).

Now, while the parents are arguing who is left off in the lurch (I still don’t know where this saying comes from)? Who gets forgotten a lot of the time - the kids! How are they feeling about this? What do they want to be called and not called? What do they feel comfortable calling the new person in their lives?

Now we have the questions so how do we find the solutions? We ask … the kids. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Well it is, as long as you take the right approach and are open. How would it be if you took the kids a side and asked how they feel when they are called “my son” or “my daughter”. Ask them how they feel when the new person in their lives calls himself/herself “their Dad” or “their Mom”? Often you will find that the kids feel that their parent is trying to be replaced by the new person rather then this person being a compliment to their family.

Now, here comes the hard part - ask the kids for possible solutions that they would feel comfortable with. Hear the kids out and have an open conversation with them. They will feel good that they are being heard and have input into the end result. If possible, it would be great to have both parents in the room (Caution: If one parent is pressuring the kids to accept this person calling them son or daughter then the kids may not feel free to speak up. They probably will not want to alienate one of their parents. In this case speak with them alone and then discuss with your ex the conversation you had with the kids ).

I have a friend who I coached through this methodology and it worked out amazingly well. He took each of his kids a side individually and discussed this situation with them. They each said how uncomfortable they where with how they where being addressed and referred to and they came up with the solution of “My Mom’s Fiance and my Fiance’s son and daughter. My friend called his ex and discussed what had just happened and they agreed that this is the way they would have this new person address the kids. No arguing, no screaming just results that allowed everyone to be heard and a result that allowed everyone to walk away happy!

It is not always easy as a parent when something is going on to step back and allow yourself to breath and work with the other people involved in a civil way and additionally allow everyone to be heard but it does work and you do get some pretty great results!

Until next time - congratulations on being the best parent you can in this moment. Please place your comments below and I look forward to hearing from you.

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein