Divorce and Loss

I have a friend who just lost someone close and it got me to thinking about the different types of loss we have in life and the differences and similarities. Now don’t get me wrong - I am not saying that whatever we lose in life is of equal value, but…
there are similarities.

First off - whenever we lose someone we have to go through certain emotions - confusion, shock, anxiety, stress, overwhelm, loneliness, responsibility, anger, depression, irrationality. Then if we allow ourselves to move forward - clarity, awareness, new perspective, calm, and finally forgiveness.

I was watching a child go through the loss of a toy and thought - wouldn’t that be great if after we got divorced our emotions would be that clear? First the child gets upset and might even throw a tantrum. Then they pout for a bit and then will look for and start playing with another toy. Eventually they forget about the lost toy and move on. There no longer is anger or upset but just letting go and moving forward with their new toy. The child is looking at and being aware of all the joy this new toy gives and releases the feelings he/she had about the old lost toy.

Now - what do a lot if us do with divorce? We get angry and emotional. We try to get even with our ex - by pushing their buttons to get a certain reaction; by taking certain actions to get them upset or to deprive them of seeing their children. We constantly talk about how our ex has done us wrong and how we need to get even. We do not let it go and instead of looking forward at what gifts life has to offer, we keep looking back at how we were wronged and what we can do to get back at them. How productive! (Sarcasm here.)

What would happen if we always put our kids first and did not use them as a means to get back at our exes? What would happen if we stayed civil and where able to work through problems? Imagine our children seeing their parents working together so they feel loved, secure and wanted! Now we can have a new perspective - a different reality.

I’ve seen people so angry that they will admit what they are doing is irrational but, “it is the only way they can get back at their ex”. They admit it might hurt the children but it is the only way the can get back at her/him.

Let’s step back and try to be rational. We do have control over our actions so we can’t blame someone else. Let’s ask ourselves this question before the next time we act - “How is what I am about to do going to empower me and my family?” And if the answer is it won’t - then how about not taking that action! How about finding an action to take that does empower you and your kids! How about avoiding the fight with your ex and taking your kids out for a fun night where you focus on them?

I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave a comment below.

Until next time - let’s all be the parents we want to be - it is our decision to make.

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
www.SingleParentPower.com

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein