In this blog we are going to deviate from our current topic and talk about something that happened today. I was on the way to an appointment and I noticed a Dad on the sidewalk with his son, who was in a stroller. As I stopped at the red light I looked over and watched the interaction between the Dad and the little boy, which got me to thinking. What a great Dad or is he a great Parent or both? What is the difference between someone who is a Mom or a Dad and someone who is a Parent or is there a difference? This is an area that touches close to home with me because of my ex and her relationship with my son.
So what did I see that got me to thinking? I am glad you asked! The weather has not been the best - windy and about 48 degrees out. The little boy was obviously cold so I watched the Dad take off his coat to cover him, with disregard for how cold he would get, and then he knelt down and started rubbing and blowing on his son’s hands to warm them up. Interesting - have any of you ever seen something like this? How about the other way - the Mom or Dad did “what they could” but made sure that they stayed warm? They would not even think about giving up their own coat. So you are probably beginning to see some differences here. Maybe?
You see, a lot of people use these terms interchangeably and I am not sure that interchangeability goes both ways. Well before you ask, let me tell you what I mean by that. I can see a Parent being a good Mom or Dad but a Mom or Dad who is indifferent or is not a part of their child’s life does not make them a Parent! I got to thinking about my ex and the difference in out parenting styles. Then I thought about the many Moms and Dads I have seen over the years and the differences with the interaction they had with their kids, especially the Single Parents.
So what do I consider the definition of a Mother or Father? Well let’s look at the good old Webster’s Dictionary and their definition: The verb mother is defined as “To give birth to” and the verb Father is defined as “a man who has begotten a child“. So just because you gave birth to a child or had created a child does not make you a Parent, just their biological Mom or Dad. Have you ever heard someone say, “Yes that is the Mother or Father of my child but they never or rarely see them or they are not a part of their life.”? You can ask any Parent who is raising a child by themselves with the Mother or Father out of the picture - who is the Parent of that child? Ask the child who is adopted who their Parents are. The Parent is defined in Websters as “a person who brings up and cares for another“. So in my opinion, the Parent is the one who puts the child’s welfare in front of their own! The one who is willing to be cold to keep their child warm. The one who gives up their coat so their child does not suffer. Where as the person who was responsible for the birth of the child might not even care or be around for that child but is their Mom or Dad.
So the Mother or Father who is not a Parent is just someone involved with the creation of a child, but when tied to also being a Parent means the World of difference to both. Tell the child whose Moms or Dads are not there for their birthdays, the important moments in their lives and for Mother’s and Father’s Day at school celebrations. I bet these people can define the difference! You notice on Birth Certificates that there are spaces for Mother and Father but none for Parent!
So all you Single Parents out their - let us strive to be that special someone; that Parent and the one who has created and continues to create that special connection and bond with our children - regardless of the Mom or Dad who is not their or does not care!
So let’s hear what your thoughts are on this! Have any of you experienced this - one way or the other? I would love to hear from you, as I am sure everyone else would too! All you Single Parents - inquiring minds want to know what you feel!
Until next time…
Single Parent Power, Inc. - “Helping Families Grow”
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein
1 comment so far ↓
I am one of those parents I just read in your blog. I have 3 children that I am now raising on my own My ex husband after 15 yrs of marriage leaves us for a new woman. I am ok with that it happens and people over time have there issue but what really make me upset it that it seems when they divorce the spouse the children are included. It has been 4 years since this all has happen I was a stay at home mom who depended on him for support, my children and I lost our home it went into foreclosure because he thought of him self more than his children and refuse to pay for the home it was in his name and there was really nothing I could do. I had to find a job in an area that was closing up factory faster than you could move and on top of that I had not worked for 15 years I had no money nothing but my family and 3 children that I loved more than anything in this world. I promised my children that I was going to make everything ok again. I found us a house, and work after a year of working I went back to school for my associate degree in business administration. one year after my divorce my ex husband marries that woman and has a child two month after that child is born he takes me to court wanting visitation with his children which he had along. They now have to go visit there father and stepmother out of state 3 times a year and they dont really want to but my children have in there heads if they dont go the courts will put there mother in jail. I wonder about our system and how it works or who it works for they say its for the children and what’s best but do they really care about our children like parents do. I have seen my children at very young age go through hell because of a parent who did not give a damn about anything but him self and his pleasure., my middle daughter tried to commit suicide has been in and out of therapy just to understand why this was happening to her. I have went hungry just so my children could eat, I have sold everything I had to put that food on the table I slept on the floor so they could have there own rooms my children and I have seen hard times and struggle we have over come most of them at this time. We have turned to the lord in these hard times and with pray and our faith I know we are better off now than before. My ex would never give up any of his possession for his children they see there daddy has a new house and 4 tv’s, computer, he brags about how great his life is and what he has I see him as a miserable man who has nothing but things I have more with my children and family than he will ever have in those things we have love, commitment, understanding, our faith in god, and most importantly we have each other. I never thought I would ever be happy again or that I would see my children laugh and smile which is a big deal when all I saw for years was tears. I have the greatest gift in life and it sits across from me every night at dinner my children.
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