Interview with the international expert for SingleParentPower

Rules For Single Parents
14 March, 2018

Erika, could you please tell us about your work with single mothers and their children? Tell us a little about what you do with them.

I work with 2 tools, my effective allies: psychology and coaching. They are both disciplines that, while exercised with excellence, generate extraordinary results.

First, it is important to be aware of the current situation in such a way that it allows us to take a different destiny or direction; then, from that point, genuine changes are achieved. To achieve them, it is necessary to dissolve sensations, thoughts and behaviors that unconsciously create anchors about old memories, bad experiences, wrong decisions and other consequences that diminish the healthy condition of women. The second step has to do with the restructuring or reframing; and behold, the questioning and the introspective and introspective work; this way we will be able to change the perception of an unfavorable problem or situation, knowing that we are capable of transforming it by choice. The final part is the resolution; every time we accomplish small tasks, a hairline of self-esteem rises; therefore, fulfilling and advancing in small agreements, becomes a habit and a natural exercise that strengthens the woman.

Another part of my exercise is aimed at women whose children receive psychological care. In these cases, my participation is not linked to the children, but through coaching processes for them, in such a way that they know how to manage the diagnoses of their children through strategies and various tools; thus, better family environments are created.

Whenever children attend therapy sessions, it is important to identify the causes and reasons why they attend, know the diagnosis and especially have a plan of action to support their adaptation and improvement.

How is the adjustment process of the single mother achieved? – suggested question.

In order to explain this to you, I must first clarify a situation; all anger comes from the frustration that is generated by high expectations that we expect from others and even from ourselves.

Before adapting the first thing that happens is that the person is blinded to the reality. There is a belief that says “believe that everything is under control”. There is also a stage of anger in which rancor and resentment rest towards the ex-partner and even towards oneself with a feeling of guilt; for example, it is very comforting and healing to work on this part , but it implies a great challenge and confrontation that requires a lot of courage. Besides, there is also a feeling of depression, and even emotions that are indescribable and difficult to make sense. It is vital to express and release them. It is necessary to do it, otherwise this process is stagnant for months or years.

When we have gone through this process, we can place ourselves in the learning area and therefore we will find great benefits such as: avoid repeating unconsciously scheduled errors, stop acting out of fear, overcome psychological traumas and conflicts as well as the ravages of separation or abandonment and avoid transmitting emotional fractures to the minors.

What do you recommend to single mothers in their adaptation process? And in the education of their son or daughter?

Identify whether there is any unresolved situation about you, your ex-partner or even your family.

Be a woman who recognizes her emotions and can control herself faced with that situation.

Do not put expectations on others, better work for you and prepare to do your best.

Cry and scream because it is necessary, but it is not normal for you to adapt to have a lifestyle in that way.

The pain of a mother is reflected in the minors in two ways: either abandoning them or overprotecting them and they are both ways to violate the children.

Never speak badly to your children about their father. They will eventually realize things and do not blame on them if there is no reason.

Could you share the most frequent mistakes that single mothers make regarding their self-esteem?

Love other things or people before themselves.

Value the importance and functionality of their mental health over everything that surrounds them.

Allow the situation to mold their identity, ceasing to be themselves.

Live in disorder

Be permissive and give power to intrusive people over their decisions

What makes the difference of your work with the psychological approach and coaching?

What do you focus on? – suggested question

My work scheme is based on providing tools and strategies considering the 3 areas:

  • Dissolution of unwanted thoughts.
  • Reframing: modifying how I can perceive things and how they are like, highlighting favorable aspects and areas of opportunity.
  • Resolution: Implementing applicable strategies and tools to solve challenges and work for specific objectives.

The focus of my program is:

  • To achieve realistic goals.
  • Resignify; look for new alternatives.
  • Make genuine changes that favor the lives of my clients.
  • Improve relationships and communication skills.
  • Get emotional unlocks.
  • Stop believing in limiting dogmas and stop living with obsolete paradigms as well as beliefs that do not work.

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